Oh No! Miley’s House Got Burgled, Y’All! - Webmaster News

New Post has been published on http://www.outils-webmaster.eu/oh-no-mileys-house-got-burgled-yall/

While human can of dirty computer duster Miley Cyrus was off in Europe terrorizing the citizens of Helsinki with her Bangerz tour (fun fact: two seconds after she threw her rancid moss-covered tongue out, government officials were forced to change the name of their city to Smellstinki) TMZ says that two burglars broke into her home in the Valley and got their steal on.

Miley’s assistant (Towelie) arrived at Miley’s home around midnight on Saturday night and discovered that shit was all a mess, which wasn’t a surprise to the assistant, since rodents are known to live in squalor. However, the assistant remembered that Miley was in Europe and realized the mess must have been the result of a pack of thieving bastards, so they called the LAPD and asked for the SVU (stealin’ from vermin unit). The police say the suspects, a man and a woman, scaled the fence and entered the home through the garage, and made off with Miley’s esspensive joo-rey and a 2014 Maserati worth $102,000.

My question is this: where was Miley’s army of dogs while all of this was happening?? I know Floyd is paws-deep in a bottomless bag of Snausages on the Rainbow Bridge, but what about the other 3 or 4 or however many Cyrus puppies there are? They should have pulled a Kevin McCallister and defended their home against those burglars with a series of wacky booby-traps and pranks. Can you imagine if during the planning stages, one of them pulled out a picture of Trace and said “Miley, your brother! WOOF!”? It would have been hilarious. Goddamn it, Miley’s dogs, get your shit together! At the very least start keeping a bucket of Micro Machines at the front door.

Pic: Instagram

Source: http://dlisted.com/2014/06/02/oh-no-mileys-house-got-burgled-yall/

Charlie Sheen Followed Through With His Threat To Evict Denise Richards By Selling The House And Telling Her To Get Out - Webmaster News

New Post has been published on http://www.outils-webmaster.eu/charlie-sheen-followed-through-with-his-threat-to-evict-denise-richards-by-selling-the-house-and-telling-her-to-get-out/

During a moment of truly questionable judgement, I recently admitted to Michael K that due to my long-standing crush on Ricky “Wild Thing” Vaughn, a verrrrrry small shameful part of me would. As in would would. Yes, with human bedbug asshole Charlie Sheen, that’s correct (“acknowledge your demons“). Obviously, MK immediately booked me an appointment at that mind-erase clinic from Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and told me not to come back till they removed the part of my brain that gets horny from revolting scab people.

But I’m not packing my bags for the lobotomy lab just yet, because hearing about Charlie Sheen pulling the assholiest of asshole moves by evicting Denise Richards and her girls from their home has cured me of EVAH considering rubbing my parts on that piece of human garbage. According to Radar, after months of threatening to evict Denise and her three girls from the home he owns in a fancy gated community, he defined the term “dick move” by selling the home to a friend and leaving some boxes to the left to the left for Denise. No word on whether the “friend” was his trash rat porn star fiancé Brett Rossi, who was pressuring him to sell, or an actual rat who lives in trash who was looking to upgrade his housing situation.

I knew that Charlie Sheen’s brain had rotted into a charred clump of gas station meth long ago, but making your ex-wife and your two daughters homeless is some dark-sided shit. I feel like this mess should be settled in the courtroom of Judge Judith Sheindlin…’s dollar store equivalent Bianca Del Rio (Judge Judy has better things to do than deal with Martin Sheen’s asshole son). Then again, do we even need a trial? Isn’t there some law on the books that says if you’ve spent more than 18 months putting up with Charlie Sheen’s bullshit, you’re automatically entitled to a home and a checking account full of cash and a shot at Sainthood?

Pic: Splash

Source: http://dlisted.com/2014/05/28/charlie-sheen-followed-through-with-his-threat-to-evict-denise-richards-by-selling-the-house-and-telling-her-to-get-out/